When I tapped out yesterday's post asking y'all to keep in mind the terrible conditions in the south of our great nation, I had no idea of the enormity of what was happening. Of what would happen. No idea at all.
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When I heard 40-something people had perished this morning, I felt physically ill. I checked the blogs of those I knew were down there in the fires' paths, and came away concerned for a couple of them. Again and again I was taken back to my own experiences amongst such fires. Although the fires I covered were a little less destructive in terms of human life, they gave me a terrible appreciation of the potential scope of destruction. As each news report has come in, the weight of Australia's worst ever fires is settling, heavy and ominous. Tonight the death toll stands at 84. Police expect it to exceed 100. Unthinkable. Unbelievable. Unbearable.
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This afternoon I
finally heard
Gem was OK and her family had survived the inferno. She made time to post even in her post-shock state, saying:
.
I am so close to tears at every second.
I feel like I am grieving but I should be rejoicing as we came through unscathed - physically.
.
She has also since posted an amazing series of photos
here of how she and her husband faced down the fires. It's worth a look.
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For a moment, as I look at her blog, I think I understand. I don't of course, not really. I can imagine the smell of the smoke and ashes, the stinging of eyes as you look over the remains of buildings you once knew, the surreal look of the should be familiar landscape around. But I cannot imagine the feeling of knowing your neighbours have lost everything they own. Of knowing cherished pets and animals have perished. I cannot imagine the community shellshocked from losing members in an instant. I cannot imagine how you lift yourself to face the next day, as surely these people and communities will.
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And most of all, I cannot imagine the kinds of minds that begin this kind of madness. That justify to themselves that this is some kind of sport, lighting fires 'for fun'. I watched as a forensic psychologist methodically explained the behaviour, and felt no closer to understanding. I don't think am a particularly vindictive being, I cannot help but think there must be some kind of special damnation for those responsible for this entirely uneccessary carnage.
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What kind of soul does this?
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I wrestle with this crippling, unanswerable question.
And cast it aside.
My thoughts tonight are instead with the survivors, and the families of the victims.
May the rains come.
May your communities hold firm and rebuild.
May dreams rise from the ashes once again.
And may this never, ever happen again.